It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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