so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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