I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize