I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
