I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
