Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
