my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
