so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
