i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
