My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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