I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
