I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
