we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
