Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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