and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
