I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
ttyl tear gas
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
