You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She bit a glass in half.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
