I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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