Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
