I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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