Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
