I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
