anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I touched a dick in church today
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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