Non-Jews are for practice
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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