when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
