Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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