she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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