she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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