If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize