OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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