yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
