Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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