Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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