your room smells of hookers.
And success
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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