You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
