When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
