He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
