TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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