Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
if only i could text you this smell
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just found a bag of teeth...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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