i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
