ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
