we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
