bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
