Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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