The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
