i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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