Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize