Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
false alarm, still single
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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