Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
