Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Its about making memories worth repressing
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
