Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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