So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
