You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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