i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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