SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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