we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
