shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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