I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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