As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
