Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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