i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
