This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
