my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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