Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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