Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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