i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
