He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
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its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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