i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
