so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
