I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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