dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
