I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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