Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
