well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
