I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
