I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
