just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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