I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
