Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Rumble strips road head = magical
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
