If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
