its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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