We won't sleep together?
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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