dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
